Ten Signs He or She Doesn’t Love You: The Truth About Your Relationship

Don’t stay with someone who ignores you.

If you have a healthy romantic relationship with no obvious issues, skip this article. If not, you’re not alone. Millions of women and men are involved in marriages and romantic relationships that make them miserable. If you’re constantly crying, depressed, angry, frustrated and disappointed, it’s time to move on.

Love is a wonderful gift that’s available everywhere! Why stick around to be neglected by someone who’s not into loving YOU? If the signs below apply to your relationship, it’s time to start changing your thoughts! Focus on moving toward a future without your mate. Who knows what happiness and joy you are missing? You’re stuck with someone who is too dense, busy,  or selfish to share their love with you. Here’s how to tell if your mate no longer loves you.

1. He or she stops answering your calls. When a mate stops answering the phone when you call, no matter how many clever excuses he or she produces, look beyond the lies. If she says, “I left my phone in the car…” then there’s a REASON she left it there; she didn’t want to talk to you.

If he says, “My phone was dead…,” although you know it’s a possibility, if it happens more than twice, you need to wake up! Men and women aren’t stupid. When you’re in a relationship, you’re aware that your significant one wants to contact you. If your lover denies your calls, turns off the phone or does not text back, he or she is doing things that are “none of your business,” and “they don’t feel like talking to you…” Does that sound like love to you?

2. He or she refuses to spend quality time with you. If the bedroom is the only place you see your lover, it means your relationship is strictly sexual. If he or she is not joining you for dinner and a movie, drinking and dancing, family barbeques and/or concerts and sporting events, it means one of two things: Either you’re a secret lover, or your mate does not consider you worthy of his or her “fun time.”  Does that sound like love to you?

3. You suffer abuse at the hands of your significant one. Of course, if you’ve been hit by your mate, your relationship is in trouble. For women: If your man hits you (even once) he does not respect or love you. Maybe he thinks he does, but he doesn’t. Look at his life and the people in it. Can you think of a person that he would never hit? Would he hit his mother? What about his grandmother? Would he punch his daughter in the face?

Some men wouldn’t even hit a dog that they love; let alone a woman. Do you know what happened to NFL star Michael Vick when he was caught letting dogs fight each other? He went to prison. For mistreating DOGS!!!! Think about that for a second. Are you less worthy than a dog?  People really care about dogs, don’t they? Whole organizations are devoted to protecting the rights of animals. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN A DOG.A man who loves you will never slap, punch, kick, push, choke, rape or beat you. Besides, not only are you not loved, you could end up dead.

Men/Women: Although male abuse is less common, it happens and it’s wrong. The same advice applies to you. A woman who hits you thinks you’re a piece of trash. She doesn’t love you. She may want to keep you around. But ask yourself why? If she’s hitting you or calling you names, she is not in love. When a woman is in love, she looks past all of her man’s faults and uses her words to build him up. She is proud of the man she loves, no matter how imperfect he may be. So a woman who gets angry and uses her hands in violence toward you is NOT IN LOVE! 

If he or she abuses you verbally, you are not loved. A person can say, “I love you” all day long, but if they also say mean, sarcastic, offensive, derogatory, belittling, embarrassing, teasing, taunting, profane, undermining, de-motivational, depressing, hurtful things to you on a regular basis, he or she does not love you. A man or woman who loves you is always considering your feelings. If a man or woman loves you, he or she won’t say, “you’re too sensitive.” Love is a decision. Loving you requires protecting your heart. If the person is not protecting your heart, but he or she is constantly saying, “I love you,” there are two possible explanations. He or she is either A] Highly ignorant about what love is and the responsibilities it demands,  or B] Lying because they want the relationship to continue for selfish reasons. Before you start trying to figure out which one applies to your mate, STOP! You deserve better. When a man loves a woman, he’ll GO FIND OUT how to do everything it takes to keep her. So ignorance is no excuse. When a woman loves a man, she will make damn sure that he KNOWS! Women are emotional. You should never have to wonder if a woman is in love. If there’s a doubt, it’s time to get out.

4. You are not a priority. If your mate has told you he or she “just doesn’t have enough time…” for you, it means you’re not important to him or her. Your mate will probably never admit it. But the truth is that when someone loves you, they make time for you. They care about what you want. If they don’t know what you like, they do their research and find out. Then, they do everything in their power to make sure you get what you want. No platonic friends, homeboys or homegirls are above you on their list of important people. A person who loves you prefers you over all others.

 

5. Your mate doesn’t come home/can’t be reached at night.  No matter what the excuse, if you’re sleeping alone at night and you don’t like it, but your mate always seems to have fun that lasts until daybreak, you’re not being loved. Everyone sleeps. If your man’s not at home, won’t answer his phone, but later admits to “hanging out all night,” chances are, he’s spent the night with another woman(or man!). If your lady is constantly “staying at her friend’s house,” but she never answers her phone when you call at night, WAKE UP! She’s already spending time with another man. You’re not loved. A woman or man who loves you wants to lay down with you at night–every night.

6. He/She is not interested in your life. If you never get to share your emotions, your thoughts on the day, your hobbies and interests with your mate, there is no love.  A person who loves you will listen to you talk about basket weaving for hours if that’s your passion. Not only that, but he or she will even help you weave the baskets! That’s what people who love each other do!

7. He/She is constantly seeing other people (either secretly or openly). When you have something to lose, you know how to act. Have you ever seen your significant one driving, noticing a police car, and SLOWING DOWN? No one wants to pay a speeding ticket. Smart drivers slow down when they sense that they could jeopardize their money or driving record by breaking laws. If a person values, cherishes and appreciates you, they will do what it takes to keep you. This includes turning their back on all other prospects. If your woman or man has told you that “they have to keep their options open,” or “after all, I’m still single,” or “I’m young…I can have friends…” that’s not love. Someone who loves you will ignore Randy and/or Mandy to make sure they keep their spot in your life. Don’t be angry that the person doesn’t choose to love you. It means you can do better!

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8. He or she doesn’t have your back. Who do you call for help when you’re in trouble? Who helps you when you’re short on cash? Does your lady serve you three meals a day, iron and fold your clothes,  or straighten your place? If your significant one always denies your requests, there’s a problem. Your girl should be more than happy to prepare a meal for you, do favors, and/or grant your practical requests. But if you’ve been dating Keisha or Keith for 5 years and he/she  hates to make you a sandwich, or rub your back, that’s not love. When you can’t get Craig to change your flat tire or loan you a twenty until payday, when you know for certain that he is capable, recognize that he is not in love.

9. He or she doesn’t talk to you. If you’re sitting quietly beside your mate, not saying a word, and this is a tradition in your relationship, someone’s not in love. People who love each other have great conversations that include humor, seriousness, emotion, action, stories, laughter and advice. If you struggle to make conversation with your mate, you can do better! Move on to someone who’s interested in you.

10. He or she is “tired of” or “bored with” the relationship This is a nice way of hinting at a break-up. If your mate has said, “I’m sick of this shit,” or some other phrase that sounds similar, it’s time to move on. Some people don’t have the guts and nuts to end relationships. They will simply use you for as long as you stay around. Maybe they like the idea of having a mate; it makes them appear successful to certain others. Maybe he or she lives at your house and really doesn’t want to go back home to mom. Whatever the reason for staying with you, it’s not love. When a person says he or she is tired, believe it! Start taking steps to create a life without him or her.

A person who loves you will respect, honor, protect and cherish you. If your love doesn’t look and/or feel like this, WAKE UP!

Some men don’t know how to treat a woman. Some women don’t know how to treat a man. That doesn’t mean it’s your job to teach them! There are plenty of people out there who are healed, whole and ready to share real love with you. But first, you’ve got to get out of a relationship that makes you miserable.

It’s not your fault. Of course you’re beautiful/handsome. That doesn’t mean that everyone will be wise enough to see your true value. If you’re in a bad relationship, aren’t you tired of being sad and lonesome? Take time to love and care for yourself. Being in a bad relationship hurts. After you end it, give YOURSELF loving, adoring, pampering, indulgent, patient, sensitive treatment first.

Imagine the things you want your mate to do. DO THEM FOR YOURSELF. No one will treat you better than you treat yourself. If you’re kind to yourself the mates you attract will act the same way. If you value yourself, you will be valued. But if you keep beating yourself us about past mistakes, feeling like a failure, and  being deceitful, you will draw that same energy into your relationships until you learn your lesson, straighten up, and fly right! Face the truth if your mate doesn’t love you. No one lives for ever and your love is waiting!

46 thoughts on “Ten Signs He or She Doesn’t Love You: The Truth About Your Relationship

  1. gotta love the breakups where you try to talk about these issues and they turn back on you by saying oh you expect too much from me you just pick me apart, and then they believe it so they don’t have to feel guilty.

    • I was not sure how to post a new comment or question looking for help and/or advice from others having relationship problems, so I had to post a reply. Anyway, I am a male that is now 44, met a girl when I was 35 and she is 9.5 years older than me. We are both definitely very attracted to each other and both divorced. I was divorced for about 8 months when I met her and she was just starting her divorce at that time. Her husband cheated on her. I have always had a great job making just under 6 figures; however, she apparently has become very comfortable with a husband who made 6 figures yearly; however, he is a booky who makes at least, if not more, of his money illegally. She put up a very hard fight with him and ended up getting a nice alimony out of the divorce. However, he lives in Philly and she is from Jersey; therefore, he constantly plays games with her and is at least 30K behind at this point. Now, keep in mind, at this point in time, I am 44 and she is 53. I have been begging her to marry me or at least live with me and I even settled to letting her just let me stay at her house keeping a seperate address so she can keep her alimony. She constantly tells me she loves me, we are soul mates and yet she seems to break things off with me at least once a year and take me back. I always tell her that actions mean more than words and apparently money means more than me. She tells me that is not true; however, tells me she will not be with me on a perminant basis until she is 65 and the alimony is up. Does this sound like true love or a woman that wants to hang on to her Ex as long as possible until the well runs dry. Please help with some advise since when I fall in love I totally give my heart and soul to the point it hurts so so bad to let things go, even though I feel that is the truth and I just don’t want to accept it.

  2. I’ve been with my man for two years . he doesn’t show me effection towards me we’ve never even really kissed only
    only little pecks .I not tight with money . he.s tight . he only goes places when he wants to never includes me in anything .complains if I need a ride home from work . never calls me unless he fills like it .never buys me gifts not even a birthday card .never tells me I’m pretty .never even touch’s me .boy I must be really stupit he doesn’t even try to get me in the mood

  3. I call bullshit with what is wrote on this page. To love someone is to be there for that person and to love that person that you are with. Not to look for some else just because things get hard are because things are hard. And its not always a men that hits a woman. True love is to be there for the person you are with and to help them and your.family

    • It CLEARLY states that the physical abuse can go both ways. Also, sticking around isn’t always the solution to the problem…its just guaranteeing that you will put up with more of the same nonsense. Note that it also says if you are CONSTANTLY depressed, hurt, angry, etc…it doesn’t say “every once in a while”. The article suggests leaving if, over a long stretch of time, you still feel the same negative way. In one example it even says 5 years! lol

    • you must be a big abuser to the person saying true love is to be there if someone is beating the shit out of you they will beat you until there is no more life in you.i say leave and dont look back.

  4. so true….what do you do when you still in love with your ex and you reconnected but both of us have relationships

  5. Whomever wrote this article is 100% correct !!
    Been there done it… just cannot comprehend why people cannot be honest with one another instead of playing “games”.
    One thing for sure it will be forever before I ever give my heart to someone else. The insults and lying is what hurt me the most…. old saying is true …… ” you can’t love someone you don’t trust and if your mate doesn’t respect you leave that person ASAP …. “

  6. Im going to try & make this short . Ive been in physc abuse relationships since im 14 im now 32 my last one was so bad i put that scumbag awayfor 8yrs and thats calling it light . I am know engaged to a liflong friend . We started dating about 5 yds ago. Prob is he used to be with one of now exfriends and was a total dog… we both have moved away together and chAnged our lifestyles.. i dont feel he is cheating but we are constantly arguing and he is very verbally abuse and sooo distAnt to me latley .. he has been physically twice. I do have trust iss u es due to my past and his but our communication is awful so nasty all the time . In return i cry alot n become v ery depressed. I used to feel so safe and happy and now i feel sad rejected i just wAnt him to be nice tomove me he tells me he loves me all day but he has issues nd alot of anger inside .. we keep trying to talk etc .. but within a few dayz its back to being in a relationship w myself. He never does the sweet lil things for me anymore should i just try n move on ?? I need help its taking a toll on me … thankssss

    • im so sorry you have been abused for such a long time…for any amount of time. my heart goes out to you. i wish i could give you a hug. i will pray for your peace, safety and happiness……and please leave your current boyfried….no one deserves to be in a no win relationship where the other person doesnt love you ….its always a losing battle.

  7. Though me and my hubby were happy two kids now things have changed I just fill like a slave always think of leavin but kids loves there dad and so do I but dont no what to do anymore

  8. i just thought that i had found the man of my dreams we were so close!!! he asked me to marry him but i was too young and also were in different countries. i love him so much but im not sure he feels the same about it. when i had said no to him (by email, we talk by email) he does not answer my emails and does not talk to me any more. how i wish he’d reply what should i do, my ifes gone so MISERABLE!!!!

  9. I been dating my ex since 2007, 2008 we lived together then april 2008 he said he has to move out I couldn’t understand just to find I was pregnant and he made his ex wife pregnant at the same time.. I attempted suicide tablets and sliding my wrist the baby I carried died her baby lived,I forgive him and we tried I couldn’t get over the hurt of his betrayal and the loss off my baby..2009 we had a baby girl 2010 we split he moved out but then we got back together and tried from 2011 until march 2012 he was weirdf with me then august 2013 he came back saying he loves me and he is sorry, just to find he fathered another child in 2011 while we were together and I still took him back..we were always fighting, he mentally phhysically and emotionaly abused me.. I still can’t get over the infidility because I love him so much…we are apart but I miss him and so much wish we could have a life together, but the pain and the betrayal is so great that I can’t see pass my anger and hatret for him the woman and the children he fathered yes for the kids I know its wrong but I’m hurting. Today he wants nothing to do with our daughter since me and him split up, its painful enough for me to raise her without him how much more painful isn’t it is for her to grow up without him..I feel so lost and wish for this pain in my heart to go away… How do I get over him and raise my 4 year old not resenting him because I surely do resent him

  10. OMG..I don’t know what to do…HELP ME PLEASE!! I have been in a relationship for 3 years – whined me and dined me at first…moved in, and after about 3 months he completely did a 360…Since then I have dealt with being embarrassed, verbally abused, pushed down when I was 6 months pregnant, called names, belittled, etc. He has not been here for me, but only physically!!
    I DO love this man…However in July of this year, I cheated..Did NOT go looking for it by any means…Someone noticed me at work, and well it felt “great” to be noticed and we became friends only…He made me feel appreciated and good where my BF didn’t…Since then things have become soooo hard..my bf is extremely manipulating and always has been..he will tell me to do something and then when I do it, I am basically punished and blamed for it…
    I ended things with the other person for 2.5 months to work on my relationship and to try to go forward, in which they were for a “short time”, however for the last few weeks things seem to have take a turn for the worst… last 2 weekends ago we got into argument and he pinned me up against the wall 3 times in our kitchen, and this weekend we fought all weekend and he told me about how he knew the grass was plush on the other side now..and how he would like to spend this weekend with some girl in her apt…etc and told me to leave and go to this persons house whom I had met months ago, soooo I did…
    All I did was throw up,cry and was up all night talking to this person….Now my bf is penalizing me for it…saying he cant believe I went back..etc..Can no longer touch me..
    I truly love him…I know that we are toxic I guess you could say…When we fight, we do it in an unhealthy wrong way…we have a 20 month old son together, and I have no job and I am sick. We have NO where to go and he is using that to his advantage…I am stuck and scared…I can’t eat. I am emotionally, mentally and physically drained..a basket case…I am no longer myself..:(

    Lord Help Me…

    • Please end it, theres no excuses why you should be treated that way. I promise you there are guys out there who care and will love you dearly. Please dont fall into that trap you will regret it for the rest of your life. Self respect is so much more valuable than anything else go find some and you will be much happier. You will be fine.

    • I feel your pain sweetie but cheating only makes thing’s worse never cheat no matter what because god watches all thing’s and we will pain for them 10x fold and no matter if you do end up with the other guy you cheated with eventually it will come back to bit you because of KARMA. You just need to pray and believe in God and the lord Jesus Christ and I promise if you pray and ask god for help and all you want and need as long as you don’t doubt him he WILL LISTEN and you will witness all you asked for. NO MAN can fulfill you and complete you like Jesus can.. A person who loves you will respect,honor,protect and cherish you and never lie.If your love doesn’t look and feel like this then its time to WAKE UP!! and realize your worth more..
      God bless you dear..

  11. My partner is doing almost all of the above to me.I’ve been told “I LOVE U”Million of times.I’ve been hit,insult ,names calling and so on….

    I agree when you are angry u would say/do anything but some persons express how they feel when angry.
    A woman deserves the best treatment in this life because what a woman can do man can’t.

    I believe that before ending a relationship both party should talk about their issue and try to solve it.

  12. If anyone is dealing with these in themselves or their partner I suggest TALKING TO THEM first as it might not be too late! 2 months ago I lost my first true love of over 2 years because neither one of us was experienced enough to know the signs to look for and how to make a serious relationship work. Im not going to go into details, and honestly I think she was too immature to know what it means/takes to have true love and a relationship, still is, but I wish someone would have prompted me to think about these issues when all of the signs were in front of my face because maybe things could have worked out before she packed up and left one night and never looked back.

    Now, I realize how much I really loved her, but it’s too late for us. I have to take all of my new knowledge and put it towards a relationship with another girl because she thinks the best way to find lasting love (which she doesnt realize takes not only passion but commitment and intimacy) is to write me off as unable/unfit to give this to her and move onto a new guy without ever accepting any personal responsibility or changing herself… It kills me to let her go, but she needs to learn through experience because she’s too stubborn to take advice from anyone or believe in second chances. I dont believe she ever loved me as I know I now do her because she never invested commitment and intimacy. So once the passion went out so did her attraction and she was over me free and clear. That’s why I was severely heartbroken and she moved on like it was nothing.

    • If I didn’t know better, I would think that I wrote this. The reality is that hurt people hurt people, bro. People have to want to change and some people just don’t want to change at all. They are forever pointing outwards and never looking inwards at the demon within them and the demon that IS them. Some don’t realize until they’re in their mid-forties and all they have to show for themselves is a dog.

  13. The sad reality is that I spent the last 7 months loving someone to the very best of my ability, knowing all along the way that while she liked to tell me she loves me and dream of a future, I wasn’t feeling it. After being cheated on a lied to continuously, “forgotten” a couple of times, and never made to feel as a priority, always told how I should change and constantly reminded that plenty of others would love to be in my shoes… or that she would off herself if I ever left her… I finally grew a backbone and ended the relationship yesterday.

    This article probably said the very same thing for each of the last 7 months and I have looked online for signs I already knew… but when you are in love and hopeful, you are willing to forgive and ignore signs that can be very clear.

    I am a fool for love.
    I am not ashamed of it.

    I am hurting from a broken heart and prayerful that one day I will find a woman who truly knows how to cherish a very good man.

    I deserve to be loved in the same manner that I share love.

    • There are good woman out here. I am one of them. I’m in the same boat as yourself. I need to face the fact but it’s so hard. He made me feel ugly & worthless. I’m trying to find myself and love me. It’s hard. Good luck!!

    • Well, I would say that proof of you loving yourself is that you left the relationship. Some people are just so good at manipulation. They do wrong, you call them out, they make you feel bad for calling them out, you feel guilty, you ask THEM for forgiveness for calling them out on their bs, they FORGIVE YOU! Life is good again, they may start to “act right” for a month or two, then they do nonsense AGAIN, you call them out and the whole cycle goes on and on and on until you have to make the hard, but necessary, life-saving decision for the both of you. Bro, you deserve better. We know when someone loves us and when they don’t. Some people don’t know how to love. It’s not always your job to teach them. Go find your wife, bro. You do deserve it.

    • I spent 10 years of my precious life, waiting to feel loved by the woman i was loving with all my heart. I never felt loved and everything was getting worse and worse. She started to express her anger, she started calling me names, hit me several times, stopped talking with me, stopped going outside with me for any reason, started spending every free minute in front of the PC, etc… Of course everything ended with infidelity. Now she is saying that she was in love with that guy, that she is not in love anymore, that she loves me with all her heart and I’m the only person in the world she ever loved that much. She says that I’m the only one she wants to be the father of her children, yada yada
      But
      She doesn’t wanna speak with me, still spending all her time playing game on the PC, refuses to make sex with me, doesn’t wanna hear about my day, my life, my thoughts, she is angry, still calling me names, still cursing around, still promising everything and not keeping her promises ever…
      I really do believe that God does not want this life for me. I strongly believe that there should be people of the opposite sex out there which deserve me more than she. I do believe that I don’t deserve such miserable relation and spending another 10 years will not change nothing.
      So I pray.

      One day, I will find a girl which will Respect me as a human and as a man and will give me all the Love I crave for

      God bless you

  14. I don’t know if it’s just me or if perhaps everyone
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    the text on your posts are running off the screen.

    Can someone else please provide feedback
    and let me know if this is happening to them as
    well? This could be a problem with my internet browser because I’ve had this happen before. Thanks

  15. I truely enjoyed reading this article. I went on my own to see what google had as an answer for ,” signs that a man does not love u” i am sad because as i read im telling myself Brooke that your current reflection. Smh. Sorry to say I pray even though i read what i read my love over powers. I mean i have faith.

  16. u have saved my life.i always ask myself:why do i feel lonely in this rship?she doesnt care abit.sometimes her phone can be off for about a week,with silly excuses.she is always busy to meet me.she is in this thing for selfish reasons.how awesome you write an article that expresses what i have thinking along but i just had that fear that i may be wrong.oh yeah! i was right from the word go.i dont know who you are,but you just saved my life on this friday morning. God bless you.

  17. This reminds me of a Cosmo article. If that’s what you’re going for, great. Otherwise, this is a terrible bastardization of a complex psychological phenominon.

    Except the abuse part. They may love a person and also be mentally unstable/wounded. This is a professionals job, not the abused’ job.

    • Iv tried to help my boyfriend for work but he seems happy not to work. I know in a month or too he will. Iv tried so hard to help him I just feel I can’t do know more. Is drather have time to myself to relax and consentrate on my goals. He will always be fine but I’m tired of him not cooking for me or showing no romance. I now look at him as a friend .this is sad as months ago I did love him . I won’t just leave I will try to makemyself happy by having interests and goals.

  18. Pingback: How to Recover From a Broken Heart | THE LORE

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