When Facebook Friends Die

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Everyone with a Facebook account has “friends”. What’s a friend? It’s a classmate from middle-school; when your American family was stationed in Germany back in the eighties. A “FBF” (Facebook friend) is often a real-life BFF (best friend forever), a close acquaintance, a current or former coworker, sometimes a sworn enemy whose status you’d like to observe; an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, a college roommate, a cousin, a mother, the majority of your highschool graduating class, or even your child.

Then there are the STRANGERS. Those people who, ironically, are not so strange at all. You discover that you enjoy interacting with a new person; a person that have never seen. For some reason, you find them worthy of interaction with you.

And then something happens in the course of daily living: After posting a witty or inspirational or funny or angry or insightful or raunchy or crude or whatever-particular-style-of-posting-you-have-come-to-expect-from-them “status,” the person dies. WTF and OMG. Let that sink in.

If it’s happened to you, then you’re familiar with the shock and bewilderment that can descend upon you as you scroll down the person’s page to read Rest in Peace postings from their acquaintances. Worse; the final declarations of love and the gut wrenching grief expressed by their closest friends and family members. And you follow suit, posting your virtual goodbye to a person who will never reply.

From YouTube to Twitter and Instagram, there are abundant ways to meet and interact with interesting people who stimulate our minds, teach us things, intrigue and attract us, repulse and disgust us, and etc. People who spend hours on social media each day become accustomed to seeing the same faces. But when one of your favorites actually succumbs to illness or injuries and dies, what are you supposed to do?

1. Identify and accept your feelings.
You can grieve for whomever you please, whether you knew them in actuality or online. When popular vlogger Domineque Banks succumbed to lupus on April 9, 2014, hundreds of thousands of people felt the sting of shock and in their own way, grief. It’s natural to grieve after the death of someone you know; whether in real life or online. Give yourself permission to feel shock, grief and loss. Express these emotions to your close friends and loved ones who will understand.

2. Remember the Good Times
If you feel dismayed at the passing of a beloved FBF, take the time to consciously appreciate the things you liked or remembered most about the person. Treasure the videos, photos, posts and comments; screenshot or print them in remembrance of your FBF.

3. GET CLOSURE
If possible, find the person’s obituary, research the cause of death, express your condolences and attend any memorial or funeral services if it’s practical to do so. You may be surprised at what you learn about the person once you’ve heard his or her eulogy or met their family members. And grieving families might appreciate knowing that their loved one was loved by many more people than they ever knew!

4. Evaluate Life and FOCUS on Important Matters

No one expects to die suddenly; a few hours after Instagramming a picture of their lunch. But in some cases, life is short. Death forces us to remember this fact. What can you learn from the death? What will it take for you to seize the day(s)? How much time do YOU have left. Pose these hard questions to yourself and honestly assess your priorities, timeline and goals.

Grief is never typical; each person’s grief is unique. Likewise, we each grieve differently for celebrities, friends and family, and yes–social media acquaintances. When a social media friend dies, there isn’t any oneway to react or respond. Simply listen to and process your emotions, cultivate gratitude for having known of the person, then ascertain the story of what happened and apply the life experience of your social media friend to that of your own life; helping you begin your personal grief process and continue on without your friend. Because life goes on; regardless of how you feel. Live well.

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“What’s In Your Panties?” Examining Vaginal Freshness, Baby Powder and Ovarian Cancer Risk

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Try watching television for any length of time without seeing a commercial for scented or odor masking feminine hygiene products. Viewers young and old are exposed to advertising that references “fresh” and “not so fresh” feelings, urging women to be proactive; to sanitize, clean and essentially fumigate their vaginas–or else.

From douches and powders to suppositories and deodorant sprays, women use a variety of chemical-based products that upset the vagina’s PH balance, creating a breeding-ground for the very odoriferous bacteria no one wants growing down below. Certainly this news has made its rounds. Although many women cling to douches and feminine washes for lack of a better alternative, the most knowledgeable and health-savvy women seek natural alternatives to maintain a comfortable level of cleanliness, health and comfort without using the chemicals that defeat the purpose.

 

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“It can’t hurt to sprinkle a little baby powder…” Baby powder in your panties can lead to ovarian cancer. The American Cancer Society provides statistical data about the chances of developing cancer if baby powder travels into the vagina and enters the cervix, uterus, and/or fallopian tubes. And according to Harvard Medical School’s Dr. Daniel Cramer, talc has been causing ovarian cancer for years! Pharmaceutical commercials can be comical with their mile-long lists of possible side-effects, which often include worse symptoms than the initial illness–and can sometimes be fatal! But there’s nothing funny about baby powder. People use it on babies. How many parents ignorantly and innocently dust their little ones’ bottoms with good old Johnson’s baby powder?

Taking responsibility for personal hygiene and freshness is great. But the only responsible way to maintain an organ as intricate as a vagina is to investigate the best possible natural methods you can use to keep yourself fresh without dying an early death because of perineal perfumes. It’s true that the vagina is “self-cleansing” as naturalists assert. However, proper research can lead you to an appropriate routine to guarantee that you feel, smell and even taste 100% fresh at all times.

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Rather than following the prompts of a television commercial or a magazine ad, conduct your own vaginal anatomy and pysiology RESEARCH to discover the best products to use. Never use powders and creams to mask an odor. An odor indicates a problem, and a problem shouldn’t be masked; it should be solved. Contrary to advertisements, it’s possible to avoid yeast infections, vaginosis and foul odors altogether. In your research, don’t stop at perfume products. Investigate the tampons, pads, condoms or lubricants that enter or make contact with your vaginal area.

Diet, exercise, water intake and overall health play important roles in vaginal cleanliness, as do sexual activities, soaps, fabrics, and hygiene habits. If a universal solution exists for vaginal freshness, it’s probably found in nature and not advertised on television. Find out what works for others and then develop a routine that works for you. And never put powder in your panties.

Make Them Love You

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Want to be a magnet? Is it even possible to be attractive to everyone you encounter? Maybe. But you CAN increase your mojo; your IT factor, and your appeal; right now.

Hopefully you’ve got bigger goals than wooing a member of the opposite sex. Cultivating your inner magnetism can help stimulate your career, your finances, your everyday life, and your personal/social interactions as well. The following list will enable you to sell yourself in business, personal relationships, social settings and more. Here’s how to Make Them Love You.

1. Decide that you’re the best. No one is perfect. However, everyone has something that no one else can imitate. What’s unique about you?

Identify your talents: Pay attention to compliments to determine your strengths, and fine-tune the present version of yourself (hone skills, practice, improve, upgrade). Organize your life so that your activities, conversations and social interactions enable your strengths to shine. For instance, if you’ve EVER been told you have a beautiful smile, start using your smile like a weapon; a disarming, charming magical magnet. Smile even when you’re less than happy. Never be caught without your smile.

Similarly, if you’re great at chess, play chess all the time and hang out with people who appreciate the game. It’s easy to shine when you’re in your element. Great dancer? Humorous personality? Let it shine. Dance at the company party or neighborhood gathering. Make people laugh if you’re good at it. Super clean? Show off and brag about your meticulous housekeeping. Great clothes? Flaunt them. If you have a great body, show it off! Find something great about you, embrace it, publicize it and praise yourself.

To start this new habit immediately, go look in your favorite mirror and make yourself look as appealing as you can. Then say you yourself, I’m glad you are mine. Then reply to yourself, thanks, I agree; you are the best person for me.
If you expect others to gravitate toward you, you’ve got to believe your own hype. Want him to like you? He’ll like you equally as much as you like yourself. Don’t lie to yourself. If you’re not totallyin love with you, start correcting that right now.

If you’re waiting for your boss to be impressed by your work, impress yourself and everything will fall into place. Are youimpressed with yourself? If not, do something about it now.

2. Be busy. It’s okay to dream of a promotion, college acceptance letter or a date with that special someone. But dreaming alone won’t work without action. What are the qualifications for getting into that great position, or school, or relationship? Have you done the work? Preparation is the key to seizing your moment of opportunity.

Suppose your boss is considering promoting you. Show him or her why you’re a great investment. Hinting and askingfor what you want is only the first step. But to earn any substantial promotion, opportunity or relationship, you’ve got to be seen doing a damn good job, repeatedly, with a passion.If you want to feel beautiful, religiously attend to your personal upkeep and walk the walk of the attractive, successful, motherly, fatherly, wifely, husbandly or scholarly role you desire.

Go the extra mile. Look great every dayas opposed to being lazy on occasion. Work hardeven when no one is looking. If you know exactly what you want, you should be busyall the time; setting or accomplishing new goals, evaluating and upgrading, maintaining and planning. What’s more appealing; a bustling restaurant with steady business or a quiet establishment with no customers; just a bored staff, sitting around waiting for the phone to ring; waiting for a customer to walk in?

Busy is always better. If you don’t know what to get busydoing, see our article about setting goals, (click here to set goals).

Since the majority of our readers request relationship advice, we will reiterate the above advice for their benefit. Busy is better. Never be too available. If you don’t have a lifeoutside of work and family, try to establish one. No one thinks it’s interesting that you sit around waiting for their call. At least pretendto be busy. Moving on…

3. Be consistent. Anyone can act a certain way, but consistency separates the real from the fake. Everyone behaves when the situation is new, but how long can a habitually tardy person beat the clock? Usually not very long. Always be consistent in your efforts, attitude and demeanor. Just be yourself and you won’t have to worry.

Make sure that being yourself includes mastering certain virtues like good manners, promptness, discipline and character. After you’ve become comfortable consistently putting your best foot forward, everyone around you will be convinced that you’re pretty great.

4. Be mysterious (a little). No boss, coworker, friend, or potential romantic partner needs to know every single detail about your past, present and future. Are we advising you to habitually lie to make yourself look good? Absolutely not. We do believe that honesty is the best policy. However, learn to use honesty carefully with discretion.

Don’t tell your supervisor or boss your personal business. If you’ve already started sharing too much, just stop! Business and personal conversations should NOT intertwine unless you’re counting on being promoted via a relationshiprather than your skills and abilities. Be loyal to yourself! Don’t expose your deepest and darkest secrets to anyone unless you are paying for a therapy session. Yes, people need to vent and express their feelings. Wisely find a neutral party; perhaps a stranger in whom you can confide…only for the sake of getting advice.

Like it or not, people judge each other based on what they know,so do you really want to spill your guts and reveal your weaknesses to a person you want to impress? Take care of yourself emotionally, but do so in a private manner. Relationships and work situations are competitiveand very judgementalatmospheres. Don’t show your hand! Honesty is the best policy; but save your revealinghonesty for last; once you’ve reached the top and no one can deem you weak or unreliable.

5. Maintain the utmost confidence. It’s easy to be confident when you’ve got goals that you can complete one by one; when you’re focused on your future and busy making your visions a reality. Look your best and always give your absolute best performance, no matter what the stage.

The key to confidence is knowing who you are, where you’re going and exactly when you plan to get there. Picture yourself handling your business, climbing the ladders of achievement and success; deeply involved in your ideal social and romantic relationships. Then be grateful that you’re focused and motivated. When you live your life with this kind of purpose and focus, you’ll be so confident and magnetic that people will be drawn to you. Opportunities will come to you! People will approach you and become instantly engaged and attracted. And if anyone doesn’t love and admire or approve of you, you won’t even notice.

Indigentitis: The Answer to Affluenza

Affluenza defense: A slap in the face to poor convicts.

Affluenza defense: A slap in the face to poor convicts.

The “affluenza defense” made headlines recently when 16-year old, rich, white Texan, Ethan Couch, was found not guilty of killing the four people who died during his drunken joyride when he lost control of his vehicle. Avoiding a 20-year prison sentence, Couch’s Attorney argued that the teen can’t be held responsible for his actions because the nature of his rich life was such that his parents imposed no limits or restrictions; he was allowed to run wild. Therefore his actions were not his fault.

Teen drunk-driver Ethan Couch was given probation instead of jail-time after killing the victims above, because his wealthy upbringing affected his judgement and decision-making skills.

Teen drunk-driver Ethan Couch was given probation instead of jail-time after killing the victims above, because his wealthy upbringing affected his judgement and decision-making skills.

Whether critics agree or disagree with the “poor little rich kid” defense, it worked. Ethan was sentenced to ten years of probation. The courts have ruled that Ethan’s wealthy upbringing negatively influenced his ability to make wise, safe, responsible decisions. This ruling begs the question, “What about indigent youth, whose decision-making skills are, likewise, influenced by their upbringing?

Case in point: The Trayvonn Martin murder trial, which seemed to be an inquisition into the morals, habits and character of the deceased, rather than those of his assailant, featured tales of the N-word, stories about marijuana, and images of hooded sweatshirts, which, to some people, are threatening and indicate a hoodlum or thug. Why were these issues breached during the trial?

When Zimmerman was acquitted of murdering Trayvonn, it was because the jury believed Zimmerman was defending himself from a thug. But what if Trayvonn was socialized to fear non-blacks; that they kill young men like himself? Indigentitis.

When Zimmerman was acquitted of murdering Trayvonn, it was because the jury believed Zimmerman was defending himself from a thug. But what if Trayvonn was socialized to fear non-blacks; to believe that whites and other races kill young men like himself? Maybe he fought Zimmerman because he feared for his life. Why? Indigentitis causes black men to swing/shoot first, and ask questions later, when confronted on the streets.

George Zimmerman’s defense team successfully cast Trayvonn Martin as a threat. The jury became convinced that Zimmerman shot Trayvonn to save his own life. So the unspoken conclusion; that a black youth in a hoodie is dangerous, grew legs. Young black men haven’t felt safe on the streets since the verdict was rendered.

What does this have to do with Indigentitis? Indigentitis is the inflammation of tensions after prolonged exposure to poverty and injustices. Indigentitis can also be described as, “actions resulting from an upbringing wrought with poverty, destruction and death.”

Suppose Trayvonn Martin called Zimmerman a “creepy cracker,” to his face, and stalked Zimmerman down with the intent to kill before being killed? Indigentitis? Black men in America have seen themselves enslaved, lynched, hosed, beaten, raped, murdered, jailed and utterly degraded and disrespected for no reason other than the color of their skin. Poor black people. No wonder they stand at the ready to riot whenever a grave miscarriage of justice takes place. They suffer from indigentitis. Should anyone be surprised that black dollars are spent almost exclusively on entertainment, Jordan tennis shoes, depreciating cars and flashy jewelery? Say it slowly: Indigentitis; the urge to spend every dollar you acquire on material items that impress other poor people in your neighborhood.

Sometimes ghetto residents are killed for money, clothing, jewelry, or Jordans; indigentitis.

Sometimes ghetto residents are killed for money, clothing, jewelry, or Jordans.  Indigentitis causes an overwhelming urge to obtain flashy tennis shoes, clothing and jewelry by ANY MEANS NECESSARY, even robbery and murder.

When little Tameka is expelled from school after being caught in the act of theft, will the police bother to question her parents; the ones who taught little Tameka to steal bread and meat from the grocery store; because stealing is a means of EATING? Will little Tameka be sentenced to 10 years of hard time behind bars? Or will an attorney step forward to plead her indigentitis defense? Indigentitis causes people to steal on instinct to avoid hunger, starvation and death.

Is affluenza real? Obviously it’s real if its diagnosis prevented a 16-year old rich kid from going to prison after his wreckless driving caused four people to die and another to be paralyzed. Instead of arguing against the affluenza defense, maybe concerned citizens should advocate the indigentitis defense. That way, teenagers who sell drugs because they are surrounded by suggestions to do so, can be re-educated and counseled after successfully arguing  indigentitis. As it stands, poor teens and young adults are being sentenced to long terms in prison, which facilitates the vicious cycle of indigence…

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Billion-dollar corporations (record labels, television and radio broadcasters) spend unspeakable amounts of money promoting drug-dealing, while indigent black men are incarcerated at a disproportionate rate. Can drug dealers use indigentitis as a defense, since an entire economy and culture socializes them to sell drugs?

Sure, each person is responsible for his or her own behavior, but if Ethan Couch can blame his upbringing for his mistakes, so can anyone else. For instance, Chris Brown has repeatedly confessed that he witnessed his mother’s abuse at the hands of his father. Yet when he becomes involved in a domestic assault case, he is not shown leniency, nor is he given the opportunity to blame his upbringing. Why not?

And finally, what about the issue of slavery? Any fool can see that black Americans have a HARD TIME escaping poverty, drugs, miseducation, lack of education, violence, AIDS, sexual and physical abuse…the list goes on and on. Why are black people perceived to be more “loud” and “violent” and “aggressive” and “ghetto” than other races? Could it be the fact that blacks as a people were beaten, killed, raped, stolen, bought, sold, worked to the bone, abused, harrassed, and labeled inferior? Could it be that the entire black race suffers, in one form or another, from indigentitis. Sure, some black people are wealthy. But for the ones who are still poor, can indigentitis be used as a viable defense for stealing, killing, and etc? Can Kwame Kilpatrick argue affluenza? What about political family-enza?

Many people joke about Chris Brown's abuse of Rihanna, but Chris Brown was raised in a household where the woman was beaten. No, he didn't get counseling. No, he never "got past it." He repeated the behavior he saw from birth to his teen years. Indigentitis?

Many people joke about Chris Brown’s abuse of Rihanna, but Chris Brown was raised in a household where the woman was beaten. No, he didn’t get counseling. No, he never “got past it.” He repeated the behavior he saw from birth to his teen years. Indigentitis?

America’s Obsession with Big Assets

We’ve written about the Real Housewives of Atlanta before. With the eruption of the hot mess that has been called Black Booty-Gate, it’s time to revisit the show and examine the implications of America’s obsession with voluptuous asses. As former Miss USA Kenya Moore and Atlanta Attorney Phaedra Parks bicker about who can do a better workout dvd, and which is better between a donkey booty and a stallion booty, millions of impressionable women around the world check out their own physiques and decide that their natural asses just aren’t good enough. There’s nothing wrong with working out, but in an age where teenagers beg their parents for surgical enhancements, there’s no telling how many women will receive and act upon the subliminal message embedded in the show: Obtain a big booty; by any means necessary.

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Rap star Nicky Minaj is often criticized for having a cosmetically enhanced ass. While her voluptuous figure is great for her image and record sales, women around the world are getting back-alley butt injections in record numbers to keep up with her. Some women don’t survive the procedures.

Phaedra Parks decided to film a DVD called Donkey Booty, designed to help women enhance thier butts the old-fashioned way–with exercise. Her rival, Kenya Moore, has chosen to call her video, Stallion Booty. So just what consitutes a good butt?

Years ago, women with large butts were considered fat or sloppy. Women in magazines and on television never flaunted voluptuous asses. Then came Jennifer Lopez. With Jennifer Lopez’s exciting career, signature curves, and sex-symbol status, curvaceous booties became acceptable. No longer did everyone want to be a size four. Sure, some people still value slim figures, but equally as many people now advocate thickness, and go to desperate lengths to obtain it.

Learn To Love YOURSELF Instantly

Everyone claims to feel good about themselves. I Love Me, they say. Have you ever said it? If you’re anything like the authors of this journal and millions of other women and men around the world, you’ve had moments of tear-jerking weakness when you’ve looked at yourself in the mirror and despised the skin you’re in; considering your physical body, your mental equipment, your actions, habits, thoughts; your life, and your very existence to be a frustrating mess that’s just not good enough.

Mastering the love of self is the first and most important step toward the best YOU . We are taught to love Jesus, our parents, our children, our significant others; if we had a dollar for every time we demonstrated passionate, unconditional, lavish, pampering, bend-over backwards love toward others, we’d be very wealthy.

What does self love look like? Intense focus on the plans, goals, needs, desires, comforts, stability, success, happiness, health, wealth, etc, that pertain to each facet of our lives from minute to minute.

According to Suze Orman, “It is only when we give to ourselves as passionately as we give of ourselves that we create the life we want and deserve.” How often do you ignore, reject, judge, hinder and delay your plans, desires or goals? Who are you sacrificing yourself for?

YOU should be your top priority; regardless of your family structure, marital status, living arrangement and responsibility for others. Your primary assignment in life is to manage yourself. Listen to yourself as you think, plan and strategize. Be sure to take expose your fearful, shameful and guilty thoughts. Get to know your own mind in the same way you’d dig into the mind of an attractive, new love interest.

Spend time with yourself. Patiently attend to each and every one of your needs. Study yourself and notice where you need to be healed, protected or enriched. Rearrange your schedule and manage your time in a way that permits you to accomplish things for YOU.

Who’s responsible for making you feel fulfilled, successful, happy, loved, wanted, important, smart, appreciated, needed and special? It’s YOU. Who’s responsible for sweeping you off your feet? Who’s going to swoop in and rescue you; pick you up, dust you off, bandage and heal your hurts, and say, You can do this? YOU are. Love yourself like the perfect mother and father would do.

But what about my family? I take care of my kids, I work, I’m tired! I don’t have time for myself because nothing would ever get done.
The mother syndrome, though heroic to some, demonstrates a lack of self love. We’ve all seen the mother who looks and feels like a train wreck because she’s too busy with the kids. Stop. Put yourself on the schedule! Love yourself by actively rescuing yourself from the land of neglect. Place yourself on your daily schedule. Upgrade yourself to the “favorites” category; just like the romantic partner or loved one for whom you would catch a grenade.

Looking for romantic love that actually works? Learning to actively express your love to your SELF is the first and most important step in preventing a disastrous relationship. What do you allow in your relationships? Do you allow yourself to be neglected, ignored, rejected, hindered or delayed by your partners? Loving yourself means actively policing your relationships like a watchful father to a teenage daughter. It means dismissing the disrespectful and losing the leaches and liars in your path. Loving yourself means keeping your standards and principles in tact because, well…you’re the protector of yourself. YOU are the overbearing mother and overprotective father that no one likes at the time, but appreciates much later.

Taking pictures if yourself and showing them of to others does not constitute self love. It’s about respecting yourself to the highest degree; treating yourself like royalty; being he best possible YOU, from inside to out. You are the wise ruler of your own life.

Identify one way you can demonstrate your love for yourself TODAY. Choose a goal you can complete Within the next 24 hours. Examples include scheduling a workout, giving yourself a gift, eating a healthy meal, polishing your nails, etc.

Here’s your first self-love test. If you complete this task in the name of self-love, you’re on your way to the best possible YOU.

Count the Ways: List 100 very specific ways you can shower yourself with love. If you need inspiration, list things you’ve wanted others to do to prove their love. You will do each of these things for YOURSELF, so keep it practical.

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How to Recover From a Broken Heart

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Love can be great, lift you to new heights, inspire and delight your soul. When love comes to an end in a relationship, some people are so let down, so disappointed and utterly devastated, that they can’t function; they wonder if life is worth living at all. It’s not always noticeable. Many broken-hearted people camouflage their pain with bright smiles and happy dispositions whenever they can. But heartbreak can cause such an emotional illness that if not treated or resolved independently, the stress that heartbreak brings can lead to severe depression, physical illness, mental illness, disease and even death. The old adage, “She died of a broken heart,” is steeped in truth. Countless stories of spouses who literally can’t live without each other, and die within weeks or months of the other’s death, have circulated for generations.

1. ADMIT AND ACCEPT THE LOSS

If your relationship has already ended, the first step to healing is acceptance. It’s over. It didn’t work. You tried. It’s over. Repeating to yourself that it’s over, and making your environment match the new era of singleness, helps you to accept and admit, instead of reminiscing, hoping to get back together, contacting the dumper, etc.

Make sure you express your anger, in a responsible, non-violent way, to get closure. Ask your ex if he or she understands how a surprise break-up, disloyalty, betrayal, lies, and or cheating, and etc., have disappointed, wounded and broken you. But don’t ask your partner to change. It’s over. Express yourself, because this is your last chance. You’ve moving on, but not without a calm confrontation that results in closure.

2. CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT

Remove the person’s picture, clothing, and all other property and/or gifts and reminders. If this is hard for you. Go back to step one.

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No contact includes social media. Quit interacting and viewing the person’s information. If possible, make another social media profile that does not include the person, their friends, or any other reminders. It’s over. Start over. Don’t cheat yourself out of your future by dwelling on the past.

3. NO CONTACT

Refuse to contact the person. If the person is contacting you and inviting you to sleep with him/her, and you’re not totally disgusted, please click here and read sign #2 that this person doesn’t love you. https://readthelore.wordpress.com/2012/12/18/heshe-doesnt-love-you-the-truth-about-your-relationship/  Next, love yourself enough to not be a booty call for someone who broke your heart. If you must encounter the person, be cordial, but consciously refuse to engage in conversation and do not try to connect in a meaningful way by gazing longingly at the person. Why put your energy toward something you’ve already lost? Instead, focus on your own goals, objectives, and other potential prospects. Sure, it’d be nice to let the person know you still care, but chances are, he or she is already thinking about someone else. Don’t play yourself.

You may not be perfect, but no one is! Accept yourself for who you are. When you’re confident in all of your attributes, you’ll attract the perfect mate.

4. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF/JUDGING YOURSELF

After you’ve mastered the above steps, you’re ready to remove all of your love energy from the failed relationship. Realize it’s not your fault. Everyone makes choices about whom they devote their lives to. Some people try harder than others, but whatever your ex chose to do is not your fault. It’s not your fault and you didn’t deserve it. In love, it’s never your fault. Love requires patience, devotion and a host of other responsibilities. If the person didn’t love or stopped loving you, it was their choice. It means they didn’t meet the qualifications so the position is now open. They might have done their absolute best. They could be mentally unstable. But that’s not your business anymore. Start looking forward to meeting new people so your thought patterns can slowly begin to change.  Picture yourself being loved by the man/woman of your absolute wildest dreams.

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Look great; feel great.

5. PAMPERING TIME

Begin to consciously pamper yourself. This includes immaculate care to grooming and dressing, which, when your heart is broken, can easily be neglected. Give yourself the royal treatment, even if you have to do it yourself. A happy medium is getting a good friend to provide a massage, a manicure or pedicure, a hair cut or style, or another pampering and physically enhancing treatment. Get back into the habit of putting ALL of your focus (or as much as you can) on yourself. Consciously set a goal of getting dressed to the best of your stylish ability each day, grooming and making yourself up to look your absolute best. This will boost your mood and confidence. Once you see how great you look, you’ll feel great. You’ll want to go out and let someone notice you. At this point, please return to rule #3 for good measure. Continue to be strong.

6.  MEET NEW AND EXCITING PEOPLE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN!

Meet and talk to new people on purpose, even if you’re not ready to date. Tell them you’re in a relationship (just don’t tell them it’s with yourself) and that you just want to be friends. Not comfortable meeting strangers? Engage a co-worker, close friend, new friend, family member, neighbor, a hot girl or guy–anyone. You need to talk to someone who sees you as new, exciting and cool at the least, and if you can, spend time with close people who thing you are amazing. Be careful not to start something new when you’re not over your heartbreak.

7. Repeat the steps as needed. There’s no one way to beat heartbreak, but the tips above help you get back to a sense of yourself, love yourself, and open yourself to life without your ex. Everyone is someone’s ex. Who will be your next?