Are you tired of calling and being ignored?
Of all the topics We’ve addressed through this blog, love, or the lack of love people receive from their significant ones, is the most popular topic. You asked for it, so here it is: Relationship advice.
You’ve texted. You’ve called. No answer. You’ve checked your phone to make sure it’s still working. It is. You’ve toyed with the idea that he/she might be dead or in jail. Maybe you’ve called the jails and hospitals. Now it’s 5am. Still nothing. What do you do? And why is this happening to you? Here’s a list of possible reasons why your calls are being rejected.
Sometimes it’s not personal.
1. THE PERSON IS BUSY! Sounds obvious right? I don’t always answer my phone. When I’m actively engaged in something I enjoy, I ignore my phone and call the person back later if I’m interested in what they have to say. Before you panic and assume the worst, realize that the person you’re calling has a LIFE. Maybe he’s ordering food at the drive-thru. Perhaps she’s inside a night-club or bar, where it’s almost impossible to hear. Whatever the case, if a person doesn’t answer your call, it means whatever they are doing, takes priority over talking to you.
Try not to take it personally. It’s not personal. If Roger is in the middle of an intense game of poker, he doesn’t want to pause the action, kill the vibe and step away from the table just so you can say, “Hey, whatcha doin?” If Shelly is playing a drinking game with her friends, she doesn’t want to talk to you about what time she’ll be home, or worse–why she isn’t answering the phone! Tip: if you succeed in getting your loved one on the line, the last thing you should want to say is, “Why didn’t you answer the phone?” Why? Because you’re teaching the person that when you call, there’s going to be a confrontation.
What’s Jack or Jill supposed to say? Because I didn’t want to talk to you at the time? They’re not going to say that. You’re forcing them to lie so your feelings don’t get hurt. So don’t be upset when he or she says, “Oh, I’m sorry; my phone was left in the car!” What is the person supposed to say? Carol doesn’t want you to know that she didn’t answer because she was in bed with John.
If you want to know what he or she has been doing, just ask! But never ask a person why they didn’t answer the phone. Obviously they were busy. Whether they were busy sleeping, busy studying, busy taking a dump or busy having sex, the fact remains, they were too busy to talk to you at that time. Asking why is like saying, “Why won’t you consider me to be an important priority?” Don’t be pathetic and desperate. Take charge of your SELF and refuse to chase a person who’s obviously not giving you the attention you want and need. When you feel yourself wanting to ask, “Why don’t you answer my calls?” STOP! Change the why to HOW. If you must ask, say, “How can we talk more?”
It’s easy to annoy your loved one in the age of social media.
2. YOU ARE ANNOYING (Don’t skip this…it could be YOU!)
This is the age of e-mails, texts, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and more. There are hundreds of ways to contact people. Have you been wearing out your welcome in a person’s life? Does the person keep seeing your face everywhere they turn? Here are a few examples of annoying behavior.
2A. Excessive texting. Yes, you’re thoughtful and brilliant. But keep your text messages short and sweet unless the other person is asking for a full dose of you. You’ll know because it will be an actual conversation rather than one-sided rambling. Keep your texts short and sweet. And don’t re-text until you receive a response.
2B. Excessive Calling. Tammy called Brian 36 times in one day. Of course he doesn’t want to answer the 37th call. Get it? “But we like to talk a lot!” Even if your significant one hasn’t said so, long phone calls can be annoying. Numerous short phone calls can also be annoying. Yes, he or she wants to talk to you. But everything gets old eventually. Give your significant one “phone space,” meaning, try to determine how much they prefer to talk and stick to that guideline.
2C. Excessive social network exposure. Are you always posting, poking, in-boxing, commenting, liking or posting things for your significant one to see on SEVERAL social networks? Check yourself. A person can get tired of seeing you; even online! If you feel you may have annoyed your significant one through social network overload, it’s never too late to stop. Quit poking her everyday. Stop being the first one to click “like” as soon as he posts a picture of his favorite football player. NO ONE wants to think about you ALL THE TIME!
D. “Accidental” Stalking. How often to you magically appear at places where your significant one hangs out? It’s okay to have a social life that intersects with his or hers, but if John notices that every time he goes to his favorite sports bar you just happen to be there; it’s annoying. “But I thought it was cute.” It’s not. “But he came over and bought me a drink”. He was being a gentleman. If a man (or woman) wants to see you at the club/bar tonight, he or she will invite you. To walk in, expecting to relax and have a good time; possibly meet new people…and then see YOU, might be annoying.
3. HE/SHE FEELS COMFORTABLE BEING AN ASSHOLE TO YOU.
Maybe the reason he/she won’t answer your call is because you’ve proven they don’t have to. Maybe you’ve cried wolf too many times (called without a purpose). Maybe their logic is, “I’ll talk to him/her later.” To some people, it’s no big deal to have their calls occasionally ignored. But if it hurts you to the pit of your soul, you are in the wrong relationship. Never sit at home crying because someone won’t answer the phone.
Get on with your life, and link up with people who can’t get enough of you. People treat you however you allow them to; however they have to treat you to get what they want. The next time you call David and he doesn’t answer, don’t drive yourself crazy thinking about what he might be doing. Would David answer the phone if his mom called? His boss? Halle Berry? Yes he would. Face the fact that David DOES NOT CARE that you want to talk to him right now. What are you gonna do about it? Sit by the phone and wait for him to think of you? Then when he calls, do you plan to run to the phone, say Yes, you can come over, and then do all the things he likes when he gets there? Don’t be pathetic and weak. If David doesn’t answer his phone, you certainly shouldn’t be inviting him into your home and/or bed. Why? Because next weekend, you’ll be reading this article again after Googling why doesn’t he love me? Sometimes a few ignored phone calls can tell you EVERYTHING you need to know about your potential mate. If Kenneth can’t answer at night, and can’t call you until he wants or needs something, don’t fool yourself; he’s not THE ONE.
Sometimes it’s true: They’re ignoring you.
4. SHE/HE IS NOT REALLY SINGLE.
Barbara can only talk to Rick during business hours. She emails, texts and calls all day long but disappears every evening. Her phone goes straight to voice mail. It’s because she has a SPOUSE/BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND. “But she said they live like roommates; he said they’re getting a divorce.” Don’t let a person trick you into thinking you’re next in line to be promoted to important. Many women and men claim to be in bad relationships because they know you won’t sleep with a person who’s already taken. Even if the relationship is truly horrible and bound to end soon, chances are, the other partner doesn’t know it.
For instance, Jane caught Mark cheating and threatened to leave. Mark begged Jane to stay. Mark agreed to be faithful. Then Mark met you. He slept with you a few times and now you want to be his permanent woman. He keeps telling you he’s leaving her. Why won’t he answer the phone? Because they are still together. No, their relationship isn’t perfect. Yes, they are headed for divorce. But Mark doesn’t have time to talk to you because he’s at home with Jane. Whether they are arguing, making love, spending time with their kids/family or all of these, they are together. That’s why Mark can’t talk to you. He doesn’t care that you had a great night last night or you heard a funny joke you want to share. He promised Jane he would be faithful. If he changed his mind, Jane doesn’t know, so he’s at home, eating her cooking, rubbing her back, telling her he loves her and kissing her as he walks out the door. Don’t be the person who calls him a thousand times today; that’s Jane’s burden. When he wants you, he’ll call. And the same thing applies for women. In the rare case where a couple openly starts seeing other people while they are still physically or legally together, your loved one should have nothing to hide. “Our marriage has been over for months! I sleep on the couch.” Really? Well you shouldn’t have a problem answering my call at 10:45 pm or any other time; day or night.
When a coward breaks up with you, he or she does it without saying a word.
5. THE PERSON IS TRYING TO DUMP YOU
Kevin and Kiesha went out and had fun every weekend for a month. Suddenly, Kiesha stopped answering Kevin’s calls. Kevin is devastated. He calls once a day at first; then once a week. He’s confused; he thought Kiesha liked him. Maybe she did, but for whatever reason, she has moved on. This is a difficult thing to accept. Kevin wonders if her phone is broken. Is she receiving my texts? When he calls, the phone rings, so he knows it’s not disconnected. Everything was great! He was a perfect gentleman, they had great times together and they both agreed they liked each other. Now Kevin is devastated because Kiesha is ignoring him. He can’t believe it. He goes to Bluff My Call and voila! Kiesha answers. He says, “Kiesha!” Then an awkward conversation, which will be their last, ensues.
This type of confusion could have been avoided. Kiesha could have said, “Kevin I like you but I’m going to need some space” or “I’m seeing someone else, too” or “I’ve been really busy but maybe we will get to hang out again one day.” But instead she said nothing. Now she’s at dinner with her new crush, Rob, embarrassed because Kevin finally figured out how to make her answer his call. Is this you? Sometimes a person wants to move on from you, but they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Don’t beg them to stay! Never beg for attention from a person who doesn’t want you. You’ll end up severely hurt in the end.
Be careful when you make yourself too available.
Sometimes we hurt ourselves: Tonya ignored Peter for a whole month and he still texted her good morning every single day! Tonya wasn’t interested in Peter anymore; she had moved on. But one day, she was bored and searching for a simpleton who would help pay a few of her bills. She immediately called Peter, who took her to lunch and gave her $500 for her pocketbook. After a few days, Tonya puts Peter back on the list of people to ignore. Are you a Peter? Tonya ignored him and thought he would go away as a result. Instead, he made it clear he was still available and still thinking of her all the time. Are you being dumped/ignored? Don’t fight it! Save yourself some heartache by ignoring those who ignore you.
He really doesn’t have a signal.
6. SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG
People do have accidents, lose their phones, become ill and etc. Consider the possibility that Jane’s battery really died. And maybe your boyfriend is telling the truth when he says he fell asleep at his friend’s house. But be on the lookout for repetition. If you get ignored more than once, and the excuse is always the same, use a little common sense and listen to your gut! If you believe you’re being ignored, you’re probably right. But don’t drive yourself batty; either move on with the wonderful PLAN you have for your life (click here for a guide to planning your life) or hire an investigator to help solve the “mystery” of why your love is too busy for you. Sometimes rejection is hard to swallow. But once you have clear cut evidence that you’re being ignored, move on. And if you can’t move on today, the least you can do is stop calling them. And texting them. And Facebooking them. And tweeting them. And bumping into them. Got it? Good.