What makes people search desperately for a romantic partner? Sometimes movies, television shows and music depict romantic love as the absolute best part of life. Fairy tale stories lead young women to believe that there’s a “Prince Charming” for every “princess.” Friends, parents and even religious leaders encourage everyone to find their perfect match, soul mate, husband or wife. Some people encourage grade-school children to pair up and engage in a toned-down version of adult romantic relationships. Even preschool children develop “crushes,” showing focused interest in one particular boy of girl who is popular, attractive, talented or otherwise desirable.
By the time an adolescent becomes a teen, he or she has likely “dated” some other cute kid at school and has consequently had their relationship activity positively or negatively reinforced. Healthy? Children and teens have always placed great emphasis on “dating” or becoming couples, and by the time adulthood approaches, most people spend the majority of their time envisioning their future family; wife or husband and kids. Yet relationships are extremely complex. The following list highlights a few benefits of singleness that the majority of unattached people take for granted.
1. Single people have more money. Marriage is great for the economy because families spend more money than singles. Taking on a companion sounds beautiful in theory, but once you make the decision to couple up, immediately your expenses increase.
Dates, drinks, dinners and transportation are only the beginning. Gifts, trips, cash and most importantly, time, are all optional expenses that single people manage to avoid by practicing a lifestyle of singleness. Instead of wishing generically for “a relationship” or “a special someone,” calculate the money you have saved by skipping the mandatory gift-giving holidays like Valentine’s Day, Birthdays, Anniversaries, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas and etc.
Some people enjoy gift-giving, which is perfectly normal. But most people complain about loneliness and long to spend their money on an imaginary, ideal love interest whom they have never met. Instead of wishing for a companion on whom you can spend your money ; yearning to show off your generosity and kindness, treat yourself and be glad for the savings.
2. You Come First. Have you ever made a decision based on someone else’s desires? Kate wanted to perform on a Disney Cruise Ship as part of her burgeoning career as a professional vocalist. She was so excited about the new gig until her fiancé Todd rejected the possibility. Todd and his mother had just opened a new restaurant and in his mind, Kate would make the perfect manager. He literally cried and begged Kate not to go.
Putting her relationship first, Kate decided to stay close to home; working with the “family business.” How could she have put herself first? She had to consider Todd and in doing so, she rejected an opportunity that she would have immediately seized had she been single.
When you’re single, you only need approval from one person; yourself. Relationships have a way of taking on lives of their own. The next time you catch yourself wishing for a relationship, imagine the inevitable disagreements, differing goals, clashing philosophies and general incompatibility that people in relationships face.
A single person is a committee of one; free to make his or her own rules and plans without having to explain, justify or convince anyone else to support their decision. Joseph and Jonathan are twins who both dance professionally. But Jonathan gave up private parties, where he made the bulk of his money and had the bulk of his fun, at the demand of his new girlfriend.
Sure it feels great to have someone claim ownership of you; proving your value as a person, but when the love interest becomes even mildly possessive, therein lies the evidence that you are no longer your own. The next time you are tempted to feel lonely, think about how grateful you should be; that no one is pulling your strings but you. It’s your life: Why should someone else tell you how to live it? Single people have the luxury of controlling their own lives.
3. Singles (should) enjoy variety.New things can be more exciting than older things and relationships are no exception. New relationships infuse both partners with optimism, joy, pleasure, inspiration an magic! Chance encounters, shared glances, flirtation and desire mark the beginning of any new relationship endeavor. In many ways, the beginning of a relationship is the best part. Single people have the option to enjoy newness as often as they like.
Lots of people fantasize about growing old with a special someone. But what happens when a partner leaves the relationship via choices or even death? The lover they left behind is often paralyzed with grief, vowing to never love again. This kind of devotion makes good romance novel material but in reality, newness is what people enjoy and remember most. And when you’re single, newness is always available.
Dating has been simplified to meeting a person, enjoying their company, then trying to manipulate circumstances to produce the desired result of a long-term commitment. The next time you schedule a date, don’t set your sights on roping the person in. Don’t immediately envision a “happily ever after.” Enjoy the newness! Indulge in the attention, affection and interest that is never higher than in the beginning.
It’s normal to want a companion. But companionship can be found from many people. It’s never a good idea to be sexually promiscuous, but if you’re single, make a pointed dating several different people. Enjoy their company, learn about different personality types and enjoy the moments.
Don’t stress over not having a valentine. Instead, round up a few prospects from whom you can choose and be glad that you could potentially receive several gifts if you organize your dating life in the appropriate way. See several people. Have lunch, dinner, a movie, a walk in the park, a stimulating conversation; enjoy getting to know people as you revel in the attention you thought only one person could provide. Enjoy the variety of potential friends or love interests in your circle.
4. Single people have more fun! While romantic partners search each other’s computers and phones for signs of “infidelity,” single people are looking through their own phones remembering the great spontaneous adventures they’ve had and planning future rendezvous. Sure, there are happy couples. If you’re part of a happy couple, congratulations. This advice is for the rest of the readers, who’ve experienced enough frustration, disappointment, smothering, abandonment, manipulation, lies or heartbreak to know that relationships can be hard work.
Everyone wants to spend time with the person they enjoy, like or love, but when a relationship causes regular stress, why continue?
Singleness gives you the opportunity to manage your own interests, activities, moods, habits, hobbies and even entertainment. How many times do men have to decline women’s invitations to see chick flicks before women realize that not every activity they enjoy should be imposed upon the brave man who decided to be “hers.”
Of course it’s fun to watch chick flicks. So do it without having to have a date. Single people have the best opportunity to be themselves, enjoy their lives and live it up. Don’t be in a hurry to take that away from yourself. And if you already have, it’s never too late to break free from the confines of a miserable relationship and have fun as your own independent self.
5. Single people can FOCUS! What do you want most from life? If it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, you might want to prioritize at least your financial, health or career above romantic involvement. Think carefully about this. Has romance taken away your focus?
Sometimes people put their goals on the back burner to pursue relationships. Smart singles have the opportunity to focus all of their attention on themselves. what could you achieve if you took the liberty of focusing only on YOU?
Amelia wanted to open her own hair salon. She also wanted to get married and have children. She’s lost several potential “mates” by being too committed to her goals; she doesn’t want the responsibilities of marriage, kids and maintaining a household with multiple people.
Most single people aren’t lonely! They’re focused, busy, determined, and they have lots of fun in their spare time. They enjoy the company of many friends while sparing themselves heartache and extra responsibilities that they can always add to their lives AFTER they’ve had all the fun, focus and freedom they can stand.